Gardening has long been known to reduce stress and anxiety. While most forms of exercise help us become more aware of bodies and sensations, gardening presents the added bonus of connecting to and fostering something beyond ourselves.
In grief we may feel isolated, hopeless and stressed. Gardening can help calm us and “get out of our own heads,” whether we’re overwhelmed with sadness, a long “to do list” or both. Flexibly, gardening offers both solitude and community. When we choose to garden with others, we may find ourselves having conversations with depth and vulnerability that never would have happened otherwise. With our hands in the soil, encouraging and witnessing growth, we foster our own power to heal ourselves.
Through gardening, we can also create a continuing legacy and connection to our dead loved ones. With a tree, bush, flower or more, there are so many ways to be creative. For example, did your loved one have a favorite flower that you could grow? Is there a place you’d like to plant a tree in their remembrance? Something you could return to and witness, month to month, year to year. What was their favorite vegetable? Is that something you could grow, indoors, outdoors? Maybe you want something low maintenance, a succulent, that reminds you of a trip you took together, could accompany you by the window at your desk.
There are other things we can add to our garden like garden art or musical chimes. These can be linking objects that keep us connected to our loved ones. We may consider writing our loved one a letter or imagining the message they would write, then ripping up the paper and immersing it in the soil.
Gardening gives us the opportunity to see how everything buzzes with the variable spirit of life. The dead and decaying are the support, scaffolding and nutrients for new life. This acknowledgment hopefully supports our grieving hearts.
Here are some tips from the pros to successfully grief garden:
- Start small – As you are grieving, it is normal to be low energy. Please don’t overdo it. You can always add more next year.
- Take your time – The experience of being outside with your hands in the dirt is a just as important as anything you’re growing. Notice the weather, the feel of the leaves, the water, grieving takes time.
- Join the community – Wherever you live, there are gardening enthusiasts. Do you have questions? Need a certain tool? Your local garden or hardware store, as well as gardening groups online can be great places to connect to others. Chances are, friends and family want to support you in your grief but may not know how. Ask them to garden with you. It’s an activity that can help everyone connect.
- No need to be perfect – Deer, pests, strange weather and more, are challenges your garden will face. But perfection is not the point. Your garden is living, dying and connected to the same thread we all are. Gardens show us that magic and interdependence.
Based on blog Navigating Loss by Starting a Grief Garden by Talk Death, April 30th, 2024